Yeah, it's late at night (1:30 A.M.). I can't sleep, rather, I don't feel sleepy. I'm just sitting here at my desk thinking about all kinds of things. Then I thought that I should update this blog again.
This time, I'm going to write a post that's probably a bit more personal. [You have been warned. Turn back now if you don't wanna read something deep and depressing...] It's something that's been on my mind lately, what with preparing for my final days of high school and my future days in college. As you can guess by the title, it's about when people part ways in life. I'm finding that the older I get, the more people begin to drop out of my life as they move on to a different path.
I'm sure you know the feeling. That feeling of not necessarily losing a friend, but having a wedge of distance placed in your friendship. Since around 6th grade, I've had quite a few friendships have this wedge placed in them. Friends have moved away or started attending public school. With closer friends, sometimes irritation with differences forces a distance between us. And when I see the person a year or so after they leave, either we pick up our friendship where we left off, or the conversation is awkward with the usual "How's life?" talk. My point is, even though the pain from distance eventually eases, I hate the fact that the friendship has dissolved, either a little or a lot. Am I the only one? Even though I've gotten used to not seeing those people, am I the only one who still hates the loss in that friendship? Even after years of distance? I hate it.
As my junior year approaches its halfway point, I'm beginning to prepare myself to say goodbye to the two seniors in our home school group. They're both great friends of mine, both of whom I've known since, I believe, 7th grade. This'll be tough, and I know it's going to happen. I'm going to miss the laughter they cause with their humor and characteristic comments. I'll miss their presences in their usual seats in the classroom. I'll look through our yearbook a hundred times or so just to relive the memories. But recently I found out that those two aren't the only ones who are leaving.
He's someone I consider one of my closer guy friends, though I don't know if that feeling is mutual as a gal pal. However, a few weeks ago, I was practically blown clear out of the water when I discovered that he wants to go to school next year. Since he lives a distance away, that pretty much means I'll hardly, if not never, see him. I'm not gonna lie: it has made me upset and very sad.
No, I'm not looking forward to three more empty seats in my world next year. That gap that I hate so much will once more appear, and I don't want to get used to it. If anyone knows me, they know I hate change. But what I hate even more is loss.
Thank God for technology like Facebook and Skype.
[Sorry if this is too personal for a blog post. You were warned. But like I said, it's been on my mind, and it's late, and that's what happens to me sometimes. I know, this isn't my diary or something. But I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way about these things. It's something I hope will create a mutual feeling...or blah. Whatever. I'll shut up now. Goodnight. ;) ]
The most wonderful time of the year...ahhh...
A break from the grind of school, at last! Time to do whatever I want for two weeks!
Ok, so, maybe it's down to a week and a half. I've squandered half a week already. And I still have homework, namely reading The Picture of Dorian Gray for my book report. I'm actually enjoying it, but I feel as if all of the characters are rather childish and whiny. I imagine that my friend Charlotte would enjoy ranting about this book if she was the one reading it.
Shealinn and I had a fun-filled Christmas Eve. I slept in pretty late (courtesy of my crazy idea to stay up as late as I could for no reason), then dragged Shealinn into doing a photo shoot with me. That took forever, especially since I was the one running around trying to rearrange the furniture and search for our little white fan. After we finished, the sun was already going down. Christmas Eve was ending already?? Time to get ready for our neighborhood illumination/iluminary/whatever they call it.
It's a wonderful tradition in our neighborhood to take white paper bags with sand and a candle in the bottom and place them along the median strips by the sidewalks. The result is a beautiful flickering display of glowing lights in the quiet of the night. Shealinn and I took a walk around the block later that night to enjoy the display. But before that, we partook in the chaos of making dinner, cookies, and messily assembling the gingerbread house. Regarding the gingerbread house, all I could say to Mom was, "It's not pretty, but at least it'll be tasty." This was the first year she made us assemble the pieces. I think she regrets it now.
After the aforesaid walk, Shealinn and I sat in the basement, decorating presents with bows and ribbons. Add some Cody Simpson music. And some belittling insults about each other's decorating skills. And random guesses at what presents we were getting. And hysterical laughter. Eventually we got tired (it was close to 11) and began slapping bows on the last presents instead of painstakingly decorating them.
Finally, after we prepared to retire to bed, Shealinn came into my room and we commenced our final tradition of the day: reading a few Christmas stories from our old children's Christmas story book.
Yeah, I can't wait for Christmas, and I really should be going to bed. I'm definitely getting excited as if I was little kid again.
Wow, I realized that it's been almost two months since I updated my blog, even though I know hardly anyone reads this thing anyway. But school, school, school has kept me so busy! This'll be a quick post, hopefully. Please ignore any grammar mistakes or choppy writing. :-P
Happy birthday to me!
And anything else I missed...
Not much to say about my birthday. It was quiet except for everyone's singing to me at Awana later that night. On Tuesday we brought cake into class. Everyone was there to sing for me except two, and I forced them to sing for their cake when they returned from the cafeteria. More like, they dragged out the song and sang off key, or at least one of them did, which ended up being the highlight of my week. Later on Thursday, at fencing, everyone sang for me and my fencing buddy, who has the same birthday as me but is three years younger. And Shealinn got me a Timcanpy plush doll for a present! If you've seen the anime D.Gray-man, you'll know what I'm talking about.
I had a good Thanksgiving break with my family. My grandmother came to visit and stayed with us for a week. My sister and I played board and card games with her and had lots of fun teasing each other. I was still wrapped up with homework even then. Thanksgiving Day came and went with our family gathering at our house. We hosted our typical family debates, this time about the existence of evil in the world...or something like that. Good food, laughs, and shouting debates make up the best of our family gatherings, which is why I love my family.
Now I'm back to the grind. I had another calculus test for which I have yet to find out my grade. But I'll be finding out tomorrow. I feel pretty good about it though. Oh, our home school group is having a Christmas party after class instead of lunch...come to think of it, my youth group has a Christmas party too on Wednesday night...
Just watch, it'll be another two months before I update again.... ;-)