Yeah, it's late at night (1:30 A.M.). I can't sleep, rather, I don't feel sleepy. I'm just sitting here at my desk thinking about all kinds of things. Then I thought that I should update this blog again.
This time, I'm going to write a post that's probably a bit more personal. [You have been warned. Turn back now if you don't wanna read something deep and depressing...] It's something that's been on my mind lately, what with preparing for my final days of high school and my future days in college. As you can guess by the title, it's about when people part ways in life. I'm finding that the older I get, the more people begin to drop out of my life as they move on to a different path.
I'm sure you know the feeling. That feeling of not necessarily losing a friend, but having a wedge of distance placed in your friendship. Since around 6th grade, I've had quite a few friendships have this wedge placed in them. Friends have moved away or started attending public school. With closer friends, sometimes irritation with differences forces a distance between us. And when I see the person a year or so after they leave, either we pick up our friendship where we left off, or the conversation is awkward with the usual "How's life?" talk. My point is, even though the pain from distance eventually eases, I hate the fact that the friendship has dissolved, either a little or a lot. Am I the only one? Even though I've gotten used to not seeing those people, am I the only one who still hates the loss in that friendship? Even after years of distance? I hate it.
As my junior year approaches its halfway point, I'm beginning to prepare myself to say goodbye to the two seniors in our home school group. They're both great friends of mine, both of whom I've known since, I believe, 7th grade. This'll be tough, and I know it's going to happen. I'm going to miss the laughter they cause with their humor and characteristic comments. I'll miss their presences in their usual seats in the classroom. I'll look through our yearbook a hundred times or so just to relive the memories. But recently I found out that those two aren't the only ones who are leaving.
He's someone I consider one of my closer guy friends, though I don't know if that feeling is mutual as a gal pal. However, a few weeks ago, I was practically blown clear out of the water when I discovered that he wants to go to school next year. Since he lives a distance away, that pretty much means I'll hardly, if not never, see him. I'm not gonna lie: it has made me upset and very sad.
No, I'm not looking forward to three more empty seats in my world next year. That gap that I hate so much will once more appear, and I don't want to get used to it. If anyone knows me, they know I hate change. But what I hate even more is loss.
Thank God for technology like Facebook and Skype.
[Sorry if this is too personal for a blog post. You were warned. But like I said, it's been on my mind, and it's late, and that's what happens to me sometimes. I know, this isn't my diary or something. But I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way about these things. It's something I hope will create a mutual feeling...or blah. Whatever. I'll shut up now. Goodnight. ;) ]
~K
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